So i found an old letter, 1940s, in a wardrobe of an old house, Boston, Massachusetts. It was from a mother to her only child, daughter, Sapphire, about love life.
Dear Daughter, Sapphire,
I have a story i need to tell to you. I lied when i said your father was my first love and my only love. I lied i lied i lied. I have a love story that you need to know, so you will not be like me.
I’ll start with a short history. Okay? Please don’t be bored. Just read this letter from the very beginning to the very end without missing any words. It’s just very important for me, Darling.
When i was 20 years old, i met with a thirty-something guy in a park. He was good-looking, charming, everything you name it. Shortly, we fell in love with each other and then frequently met in a park or ice cream shop.
Time went by, our love grew stronger. I could see it obviously from the way he looked at me, the way he held my hands, the way he kissed my forehead, … . oh enough. Meanwhile, i also felt there was something wrong. I didnt know what, but i just could feel it in my nerve. You know, a bad feeling, kind of stupid intuition. Since then, we had a lot of arguments which made us broke up for two times. Yes, we reunified again for love reason. Enough said.
Two years went by, i felt exhausted with the arguments and break-ups. He did too. Then one day, after not having a relationship, communications, meetings, ice creams, any lovey-dovey activities you name it for one year, he asked me to meet. In a hotel. Oh please, don’t be exaggerating, Sapphire, i haven’t mentioned any make-out, right? Well, we didn’t, just calm down. And you don’t have any step-brother or -sister. Chill.
I didn’t know what universe had done to me - it was love i guess - but i agreed to meet in a hotel. In a room, not a lobby or its restaurant. He said, he needs to say something important that he doesn’t want anyone hears about it. So here it goes, the main content of the letter. Sorry for blabbing too long before.
He said that he had a wife (I can feel your ‘ah’ and gasp, Honey). He loved her so much since they were teenager until they got married. It had a rough struggle for him to make his parents permitting them to marry. His parents did not agree because of mainstream issues that day, social class (my first love was from a very rich family and then he became an advocate, a very busy advocate). Shortly, my first love succeed to make them married in the name of love when he was 24 years old (you don’t know how hard it is for me to write this part).
There they went their daily life. The busy advocate came home dawn because of his job and the quite-busy woman with her own job (i don’t know what was her job anyway, i don’t care). My love even often took care of their baby boy (yes, he had a son, Sapphire) in the dawn after coming home, helping his already-asleep wife. He was a good husband anyway.
Then one day, he caught his (indeed stupid) wife cheated with an old old old man. He said the old man was like 20 years older than them. His wife then confessed for her fault after being asked and said the (indeed stupid) reason about her cheat: he doesn’t put attentions to her so much. It was stupid, Sapphire. She had a nice husband who loved her, and she simply said that! Oh i’m sorry for my anger.
Since then, my first love felt no love existed at all in his heart for her. It was like just gone like that after that cheat. From the very deepest love to a nothing-at-all love.He then confessed that thing to his wife so she knew then.
For religion reason (and yes, he was indeed religious), he did not divorce with his wife. He had his days by watching the days went by, with no love, empty, he said. He wanted to look after for his true true love (considering his stupid wife had cheated and then she was not his true love), but he didn’t know how.
After having that stupid marriage for ten years, then he met me in a park. He finally felt that kind of love he had not felt for 10 years, he said. And two years after that, he told me this. After his sad story, then he kissed my lips in that hotel. A thing he never did before to me. We kissed 5 times that day; just two lips touched each other, the lips ‘eaten’ by each other mouth, the tounges came in, the tounges came in and he put his hands in my chest, and the the tounges in our mouth and he twisted my chest. (Unforgettable, Baby. How i miss it.) I suppose you’re adult enough while reading this, so i guess it’s okay to put this intimate thing.
Shortly, he said he would divorce his wife to be with his oh-finally-found true love. I was happy and confused at the same time, Sapphire.
My parents would not agree with our marriage, for sure. First, he was a widower. Second, we had a quite far gap of age. Third, that stupid social class - don’t forget that it was 1940s, Darling. Fourth, the different race of us - he was a white American and i was a Latin. Nothing, like indeed nothing, could unify us in a marriage, i thought. We loved, but i had parents and judgemental society out there. And i could be desperate at its best by having whispers here and there about my own marriage. Oh don’t forget that he was a famous advocate, Sapphire.
The (indeed stupid) society’s opinions and rejections from parents which i even had not told them about this at all - at all - finally brought me into a decission to not ask my parents. Yes, i did not ask a word at all about me and my first love. I did not have any guts. Those things - the hatred from society and parents - scared me enough.
So i just left him, telling him how i loved him but i just cant do it. He then cried knowing unable to hold his so-called true love in his arms forever. Because of my (indeed stupid) decission, he did not divorce with his wife. He had his boring no-true-love days just passed by. So did i.
I married your father. And everyday in my marriage with your father, i always thought,”How if i struggled for him to my parents that time? What if we are together and live this life happily with love? what if… . how if…. “
Too many wonders. I cried almost every day for first four years of my marriage and never stop wondering for the rest of my life until now i’m writing a letter for you, Sapphire.
I will be gone earlier than your father from this earth because of my (indeed stupid) cancer. I worry i cant help you with your love life. So i write this letter and ask your aunt, Ruby, to give this letter when you are 19 years old.
So, please dont hesitate to introduce your love to the whole world, including your father. Dont hesitate to struggle for your love, or you will regret and wonder for the rest of your life like me. Please, dont. I dont want to see you live in a misery at its best. When your father has a sign to reject your boyfriend someday, just give this letter to him, i’m quite sure he will understand.
I love you, Sapphire. Go for your love.
Mom.